Tuesday, January 3, 2012


5th Annual Human Powered Brewery Tour for ALS

Saturday, February 4th, 2012.  10:00 am.

On July 27th of this year, the finest, most handsome competitors from around the world will gather in swinging, rioting London for the Games of the XXX Olympiad!  Oh that we could be there, to hurl a silvery spear into the steamy yob-filled night, to toss aloft the gossamer weight of a gleaming white plastic ball, to swim, swim synchronously and true in costumes scant, yet somehow tasteful.  I fear I’m mixing up synchronized swimming and ice dancing.  Maybe they should be mixed up.  No matter, off subject as usual. 

But alas we are no Olympians, merely mortals who like to compete.  So compete we shall, in the Fort Collins Human Powered Brewery Tour Heptathlon!  In honor of this being an Olympic year we will transform our annual brewery tour into a quasi-competition and celebration of international costume and bad accents.   

Here, then, are the rules:

1)      Choose a country and align yourself with that county.  Lean their dress, their customs, their favorite sport, their favorite beer, their favorite accent.  Come prepared, come dressed up.  Medals will be awarded to the three best representatives.  More than one person can be part of the same country.  Then you will be a team!  Organize yourselves accordingly.  My inclination is to represent Ghana of course!

2)      Give generously to the ALS Association.   Every year we do this as a fund-raiser for ALS and this year, particularly this year, is no exception.  5 years ago Celeste lost her cousin Annie to ALS.  Last fall she lost her cousin Bob to the same disease.  We honor their spirit and memories by hosting the brewery tour and raising money for the ALS association.  We raised over $400 last year, and we want to raise over $1,000 this year.  Medals to the top three fund-raising countries.  That’s a good reason to get together and join a team!!

3)      Visit all 7 old town Fort Collins breweries by human powered means only.  This means anything not motorized!  Bike, run, walk, skate, roller-blade, big wheel, pogo stick, kayak, you get the idea.  You will cover about 4 or 5 miles if you hit all 7 breweries so crawling or leap-frogging is not totally encouraged.  Obtain a coaster or a photo of yourself from each brewery and bring your coasters/camera to the Trail Head Tavern for verification.  Sampling of beers at each brewery is technically optional, but, you know, whatever.  Participants who visit all 7 breweries will be eligible to medal in the FCHPBTH (Fort Collins Human Powered Brewery Tour Heptathlon).  It is not a speed competition.  It’s a style competition.  A, dare I say, competition de panache.  I’ll know it when I see it.  You will be competing in the following events at each brewery. 

4)      The 7 breweries and competitions, you ask?  IN THIS ORDER:

a.       New Belgium Brewery. 10:00 am.  Competitions:  Frivolity, Punctuality.
b.      Fort Collins Brewery.  10:45 am (ish).  Competition:  Generosity. 
c.       Funkwerks Brewery.  11:30 am.  Competition:  Panache.
d.      Odell Brewing Company.  12:15 am.  Competition:  Levity.
e.       Coopersmiths Brewpub.  1:00 pm.  Competition:  Brevity.
f.        Pateros Creek Brewing Co.  1:03 pm.  Competition:  Orienteering.
g.       Equinox Brewing.  2:00 pm.  Competition: A certain daring-do, a certain je ne sais quoi.

Yes, everyone starts at New Belgium at 10:00 am.  We have a lot of stops on this year’s tour, so get cracking (remember on the first year, when there was only one brewery in town?  Me neither.).  Everyone meet at the Trail Head Tavern after it is all over for awards.  Believe me, they’re the only place that will accept us by then.

Oh and, special prizes for legacy members, you know who you are!  The prizes will be even more special than last year!

Here are some pictures from previous years:
2008, First, uh, annual!

 2009, 2nd annual!

2010, 3rd annual!

2011, 4th annual!


  1. Awesome! The Mays(team Ireland?)will be there drinking stout and dominating Gaelic football, Hurling and handball competitions and crushing all other teams in billiards and snooker.

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